Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
