i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Randomize
