there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
