Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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