I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
this just has baby written all over it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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