So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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