You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
