Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
