Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
