do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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