Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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