I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
