I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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