I think I am morally bankrupt
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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