I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
