Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
