She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
