That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
