the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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