I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
