At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize