When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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