i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
