I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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