Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
