We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
PANTIES FOUND
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