He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
