Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
