He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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