My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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