I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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