that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
