Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
