why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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