I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
