Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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