Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
