please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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