i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
