This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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