my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
