a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
