Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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