Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
