i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
