youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
