fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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