I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
handjob tips. give me some.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
