I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize