Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel great
I just peed on a car
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
