Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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