That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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