sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
