The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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