i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
