I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
