do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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