Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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