sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And then he peed in my hair
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