perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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