So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
