let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
