dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
