you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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