It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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