New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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