Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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