Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
