hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
