He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize