I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
