Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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