I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
