I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
