just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
