did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
