also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
