There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
