I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
