I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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