Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
