I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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