I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
