Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
