i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize