Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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