If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
