Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
did i walk over a car last night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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