Cold hands, warm shart.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
