Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
