I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
